Get a belt buckle with whatever retarded text you can come up with. Or even better: with LEDs (scrolling whatever retarded text you can come up with)!
[Update: another (better) LED belt buckle.]
The product information page is elsewhere, but it's the Gizmodo description that makes it noteworthy:
Being a Japanese brand manager must be the best job in the world: Take an exclamation, add the word 'Super,' and append the product function. That leaves us, in this case, with 'Oh! Super Toaster!' a $10,000 toaster that not only slices whole loaves of bread but then toasts them with an infrared beam. But we could just have easily been left with 'Cripes! Super Chessboard!,' or 'OMFG! Super Floss! (Special Edition)'