eating cucumbers without permission...

Paradise Lost

ADAM: Paradise has arbitrary dietary restrictions?

DEVIL: They're really more like guidelines.

GOD: Incorrect.

This is your life, /b/-tards.

See thou mine own coin-purse? It hath upon it written "Foul Oedipus."

JULES presses his knife to BRETT's throat
J: Speak 'What' again! Thou cur, cry 'What' again!
I dare thee utter 'What' again but once!
I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name!
Now, paint for me a portraiture in words,
If thou hast any in thy head but 'What',
Of Marsellus Wallace!
B: He is dark.
J: Aye, and what more?
B: His head is shaven bald.
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: What?
JULES strikes and BRETT cries out
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: Nay!
J: Then why didst thou attempt to bed him thus?

By Kevin Pease

Me know. Me have problem.

Me love cookies. Me tend to get out of control when me see cookies. ...

Fantastic free audio-novelette, like science-fiction Wodehouse as read by the tipsy shade of Vincent Price.

How can you choose just 40? Hilarious commentary, though.

(51) With dozens and dozens of greeting cards, because the motorcycle accident caused a hemispheral infarction that has made it impossible for you to verbalize emotion and also turned you into a compulsive shopper.

Reviewed in the Grauniad, even! I love the Internet.

Lord Alfred, the laureate clever,
Embarked on a morbid endeavor:
"My dear Henry left me,
Poor little bereft me!"
(His elegy goes on forever)

Some people, when confronted with a problem think "I know, I'll make it distributed!" Now they have 2 million problems.

So I decided to take the abstraction up another notch and make the core of my interpreter be an ASCII diagram of logic gates.

6 (OCR!) and 8 (apple + blue = ?) are my favourites.