eating cucumbers without permission...

HELSINKI, Finland — They have eight-foot retractable latex Satan wings, sing hits like "Chainsaw Buffet" and blow up slabs of smoking meat on stage. So members of the band Lordi expected a reaction when they beat a crooner of love ballads to represent Finland at the Eurovision song contest in Athens, the competition that was the springboard for Abba and Celine Dion.

But the heavy-metal monster band did not imagine a national identity crisis.

It's no surprise that a lot of people hate the band, and "Hard Rock Hallelujah" is a terrible song, but they're the only reason I'm going to watch Eurovision. Hellraiser, the musical!