eating cucumbers without permission...

My Little Pony fanfiction has to be the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. I don’t know whether to be glad or not that there doesn’t seem to be any My Little Pony fan-porn–oh wait, yes I do. I’m very, very glad. Even without sinking into BDSM slash pony debauchery, however, there are still some delightfully corrupt gems.

My Little Pony: Demon’s Eye:

War has come to Ponyland, when a mysterious artifact is discovered to be hidden somewhere in Ponyland, a bloody thousand year civil war spills over, and in the war between the Third Imperium and the Black Cobra there are no such things as neutrals.

Battle Ponies:

Everyone looked down at the front of the class room in horror, as Megan continued. “You will all draw the duffel bags at random, and you will not open them until you leave the school. You must all use these weapons to kill each other off, one by one, until one and only one is left. The last one left is the winner, and gets to go home. Won’t that be nice?”

Star Wars: Shadow War Episode 1:

“Hi,” Fizzy said, “I’m Fizzy, I’m a Little Pony, who are you?” Kyle was reaching for his Lightsaber, when Kit stopped him.

“I’m Kit Kanos,” she said.

“Jaina Solo,” Jaina replied, “I’m a Jedi Knight, and X-wing pilot.”

The Darkness Within:

Wind Whistler’s dead mate comes back to the world of the living, to take back their son, but in the process he brings enough evil and darkness with him to destroy all of Dream Valley. How far will Wind Whistler go to protect her only child? and what happens when things aren’t always what they seem?

Not “My Little Pony”, but this “Care Bears” fic is even worse.

Dealing With Chage [sic]:

Grumpy now felt Cheer’s chest and breasts pressed up against him as he had an erection. He moved so that he inserted his member into Cheer Bear as she moaned softly. Grumpy felt himself begin to thrust into Cheer Bear as she accepted him love making to her. Grumpy began to go faster and harder causing her moans to become groans of pleasure and delight.

Over in the Teletubbies section, there are more R-rated fics than there are G-rated ones. A lot of teenagers with younger siblings dealing with stress, I imagine; there’s something quite cathartic about killing off Tinky-Winky with a cocaine overdose.